How will you feel when you have seen a counselor, spent thousands of dollars and hundreds of sleepless nights, had countless arguments with your husband or wife and friends, had several encounters with law enforcement agencies, and carefully selected what you thought was best—and nothing has worked? Your kid is worse than ever .He is staying out late, not showing up at school, lying, stealing, threatening to run away, and making life miserable for everyone. The treatment has not helped. This does happen, and we all have to face the reality that for some drug addicts and alcoholics there may be hope, but very little else. Until things reach some kind of equilibrium, you will have to do whatever is necessary to go on with your own life while keeping the door open for your child.

On the other hand, many cases that looked hopeless have finally yielded to treatment. The mother of such a boy says, “Never say never,” and gives this advice to other parents:

? Don’t give up hope. Even small signs can be a cause for optimism. If your child is beginning to ask why or how he got into the predicament he’s in; if he’s home more; if his brothers and sisters are talking to him more; if he gets to school more regularly, you can feel encouraged. Keep looking for the right help. If one kind doesn’t work, another might.
? Make sure everyone is involved. It’s a family problem. Don’t overlook the other children, who may be as frightened and perplexed as you are.
? Listen to the prescription. Do what is suggested. You may have to put your own life on “hold” for a while.

One family put its life aside with results that can bring hope to others. “We had a terrorist living in our home. Now that he is off drugs, our life has changed. We have a healthy son and a much healthier family life.” Dennis had conned everyone during high school, using pot and pills and drinking heavily. When he finally went in to a strict treatment program for a year had a half, his battered family had a chance to catch its breath and begin to feel that there was hope for the future. The whole family was involved in treatment every weekend, and now that he is drug-free, home, and working, they go to Al-Aon regularly and he goes to AA and Nar-Anon.

In a Christmas letter to their friends, Dennis’s relieved parents wrote:

You may have wondered why you haven’t heard from us during the past two years . . . why no one answered the phone; why we were rarely seen in town; why we had, in a way, disappeared. Well, we haven’t dropped off the edge of the planet, but we’ve been coping with a serious family illness.

To make a very long and arduous story shout, we found that our son, Dennis, whom many of you known for years, had become chemically dependent. We would have lost him if it had not been for the availability of a vigorous treatment program. . . .

Our energy to give to friends and social life dwindled to zero, but we had no choice if Dennis was to regain his health and our family was to revive. These years have been painful but worth every bit of what we’ve put into them. Dennis is recovering . . . and so are we. Our love to you. Merry Christmas . . . it is a Happy New Year.